Pumpkinhead : Haiku Movie Review

"I'm gonna send it back to

whatever the HELL it came from!"


2.5 Stars


When it's called upon

The devil's justice will reign

Cheesy, O.G. horror

Thunderheart : Haiku Movie Review

"There's no word in Sioux for 'good bye'".

3.5 Stars


F.B.I. agent

Murder on indian land

In his blood lies truth

Transformers

"Criminals are HOT."

4 Stars

Okay, truth time. I didn't really watch the show.
I would always catch the last 10 minutes or so because Jem was on next. But I did play with the toys though.
It was cool to have my boyfriend next to me to tell me who each guy was, and what the whole war was about.
I like to see boys get all excited about this stuff.

The planet Cybertron's inhabitants engage in a secret war for control of the Earth's natural resources, which they desperately need for fuel. Able to disguise as cars, airplanes, boats, and more the transformers prove a tough enemy.

I was relieved that I missed this movie in IMAX, the graphics were so impressive it would have given me a heat attack to see it so huge. This had to be by far the best CGI that I have seen so far. Director Michael Bay (Pearl Harbor) has a talent for action. Some shots are so calculated, and precise that my mouth was agape, giving way to a handful of "Oh shit" moments.

Shia LaBeouf plays shock so well. I knew when I saw that kid on Even Stevens that
A: he was going to be super cute, and B: he's talented. Then when he won the Emmy in 2003, I was validated.
And where the hell did Megan Fox come from?! Do they really make chick that good looking? John Voight, John Robinson, John Turturro, and my man Bernie Mac all co-star as well and do great jobs.

There were some things that I just had to look passed. Some of the jokes were retarded and easy, but it's a summer movie though, right? When the robots are "hiding" at Sam's house, I just couldn't believe that no one heard these huge machines outside, or the damages they are causing to their home.
But then again, it's a movie about robots from another planet that can talk, fight, and know hip-hop so who cares about technicalities, right?

Beowulf & Grendel

"Luck can be a whore too."

2 Stars

Who knows where I picked this one up. I am weak when there is the possibility of watching a filthy, filthy medieval movie. You know the kind that you have to take a shower afterwards, cause you feel like your covered in muck. BG smelled a bit too fresh though.

Based on the legendary poem of Beowulf, which for some reason everyone else read in school but me. That's the Hayward public school system for ya. Beowulf, played by 300's Gerard Butler, is summoned across the seas (which he swims alone) to conquer the evil troll Grendel.
And ahhh...that's pretty much it.

This was more like a TV movie than a feature. Some scenes end and it's just begging for a Pepsi commercial.

Personally I get really picky about authenticity in period pieces. Some parts of this movie felt really gritty which I loved, then you see a lady who's got perfect make up on, and you start to noticed they all have great teeth. I talk a lot to while watching movies, and just as I did in Gladiator I asked, "Where the hell did they get eyeshadow, and mascara in the middle ages?!" Such a pet peeve of mine.

Throughout the movie there is this "Sea Hag" that shows up faintly in the water. I found this character more interesting than the troll. The movie elaborates a bit more on her later in the film, but having never read the tale, I don't know if she really is of any significance.

This movie did however give me he hankering to see Eric The Viking again.
A least that's one funny on purpose.

Elizabeth : The Golden Age

"I have a hurricane in side me that will strip Spain bare if you dare try me!!"

3 Stars

I really really wanted this to be as great as the first, and it seemed hopeful considering the collaborations were the same. But there was something missing. Since I can't put my finger on it, I personally think there was something, or someone impassioned about the project and that came through. Ya know, bad vibes kinda thing. If there is love in the work, it totally comes through. Not too much love here.

I do on the other hand have nothing but praise for every element of the movie! For me it was so hard to concentrate on the movie because the costumes are breathtaking! Craftsmanship on top of craftsmanship. The details, without even knowing it, felt thoroughly researched. The hair, the jewelry, the corsetry, and the distinction of countries among the men's dress. Awesome.

The acting was great! Though one thing...the guy who plays Don Guerau De Spes (William Houston) has the biggest lips coming out of that beard. He looked like a talking monkey, and that was very distracting considering most his dialogue has some merit to the plot. I was too involved with his lips!
Cate Blanchett is a timeless actor. She brings it to everything she does, and when I see her name I know I'm in good hands.
Clive Owen. Aww hell. (See Children of Men review, and you'll know what I'm talking about.) As pretty as he is, I think he may have been miscast. Kills me to say that.
Samantha Morton appears as Queen Mary Stuart, and I got really excited. Of course she's in this because she's perfect for this role. I've never cared for her role choices too much
(I felt Hattie in Sweet and Low Down was her best), but I feel she's a great talent.
She will get an Oscar some day.

In the first Elizabeth we witness her reluctant, then stoic journey to the thrown of England. Now we get to see her in action as she protects her country from Spain, and their holy war. One question I keep rolling over, is what happened to these epic women? Like Hatshepsut, the great Pharaoh of Egypt? Or Semiramis the Assyrian Queen? What made them (in those ignorant times) gain the respect and power that has always been reserved for the male? They must have been made of pure strength, and energy to carry so much.

On top of all this lies one true, true fact. Elizabeth is a woman. It can't be denied.
For me the movie was about this tender balance of our female nature, and that of extreme power.
In the movie there is this love...thing. I don't want to cheapen it by calling it a triangle, but lets use that for now. She really likes Raleigh, he likes her, her maid likes him they like each other, you get it.
This is how our (women's) minds work. Give us stress, give us a situation, and we will handle it. But, if there is some sort of nagging thing, for example this interest she has for Raleigh, it can be just as consuming as the original situation. So it's double the stress and pressure.
Liz wants to be "The Queen", yet she wants so badly to be a woman. Similar yes, to the first film, but now she certain of where her duty lies, and it hurts. I get it.

After the film a quote from another movie summed up the matter of Liz for me.

"The men who resent my success won't give me the time of day, and the men who respect my success won't give me the time of night."
- Down with Love